After reading this book in my early twenties, I promised myself to reread it once I turn 25. This time, it was even more relatable. Most stories in the book feel like Dr. Jay was writing about my life lol. But seriously, this is a terrific book for any twentysomething who wants to get (more) serious about their lives and needs to understand the psychology behind why we behave as we do. I was also glad to read the 2021 edition with updated and even more interesting content. I will definitely be reading this book again in the next few years. I rated it 5 stars on Goodreads. Highly recommended!!

The book consists of three main parts; Work, Love, and the Brain and the Body. These are my main takeaways:

WORK

Identity capital: You can’t think your way through life. The only way to figure out what to do is to do something. Start doing something, even a small one, you think would be a step to where you want to be.

Weak ties: Your close friends (urban tribe or strong ties) are your close friends because they are mostly like yourself. You know and love the same things. (Birds with a feather flock together because of homophily —love of the same or similarity breeds connection.) They are most of the time not more than you. However, weak ties give us access to something fresh. They know things and people we don’t know. Connect with weak ties just by asking for small favors. Make yourself interesting and relevant and ask for a clearly defined favor. But first, know precisely what you want or need. This is the time to be connecting, not just with the same opinions but with those who might see things a little differently.

My life should look better on Instagram: many twentysomethings do not recognize that almost everyone is keeping their troubles or negative experiences hidden. We compare ourselves with the posts. “If we only wanted to be happy, it’d be easy; but we want to be happier than other people, which is almost always difficult, since we think them happier than they are”(Charles de Montesquieu)

LOVE

An upmarket conversation: the best time to work on your marriage is before you have one. Start thinking about what your marriage will be like when you’re still in twenties; and there is no deadline for having a commitment.

Picking your family: there’s something scary about picking your family. It’s not romantic. It means you are not just waiting for your soulmate to arrive. It means you know you are making decisions that will affect the rest of your life. One of our greatest twentysomething opportunities is picking and creating our families

Cohabitation effect: living together before marriage is not a test for it to work out. It is easy to slide in cohabiting, but it’s not easy to slide out when you find things won’t work out.

Being in like: being alike in ways that matter and genuinely liking who the person is. “what counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility”-Leo Tolstoy.

Twenty-Nine Conversations: This is probably the highlight of reading the new edition of the book. It lists 29 conversation you should have with you partner if you are considering marriage. I will definitely be coming back to these more often.

THE BRAIN AND THE BODY

Outside in: Confidence doesn’t come from inside out, but it moves from the outside in. It comes from experience. We imagine we will show up at work and instantly add value it and be taken seriously. This is not the case. If you feel anxious or incompetent, calm yourself with what had gone well.

Getting along and getting ahead: who you will be in your thirties and beyond is built out of the goals you are exerting for yourself today.

Do the math: the written timeline is necessary to plan your life ahead. Time is so limited and starting now is the best way to make the most out of your life earlier. Our twenties is when we start creating our own sense of time, our plans about how the years ahead will unfold.

Probably the best book conclusion I have ever read: The future is not written in the stars ⭐️. There are no guarantees. So claim your adulthood. Be intentional. Get to work👨‍💻. Pick your family 💑. Do the math. Make your own certainty. Don’t be defined by what you didn’t know or didn’t do. You are deciding your life right now.